What's Next?

Howdy!

My husband is currently away for 2 weeks and I finally gathered all my will to shoo my laziness and picked his keyboard + mouse underneath the bed to write some words in this blog!

I just moved to new division in work and currently in third rotation before my final placement. My new team consists of smaller number (4 including me, for the records), compare to the last division that I joined. Two of them are fresh graduates and we've been sharing our own stories this past month.

As I told them that I'm relatively late in terms of graduate year (1.5 years of studying abroad and the rest 0.5 years due to my lazy ass to hurry my thesis research lols) they came to the conclusion that I am a high achiever student and very competitive during my study. Well, spending my time in highly pursued high school and uni, I would probably say that it's 50% right (?) Realizing that I am not as bright as other student since high school, I am always motivated on stuffs that I think I can put my best effort into. However wouldn't say that I am competitive though, lots of my close friends damn know that I always rush and cram my study during D-1 (heck, even H-X before the exam!) and used to be the last one who finished homeworks or submit those lab reports lol!

 What hits me though, when one of new co-worker asked me this:
"So what's next for you?"

 It made me recall my conversation with my close friend when I told her about my thought on carreer and future. Thinking that I've been spending most of my life by hustling my way up to be recognized by people around me with those so called achievements, and still ended up feeling half-empty inside, leading me to the question of what if...I just want to be satisfied enough, to the point of not pursuing other "small or big wins" for now?

 And of course, I told my husband about this but didn't recall any of his response (haha he seems to know the concept of sometimes-women-tell-a-story-just-to-be-listened-to) But on the other day when we were discussing about another topic, he told me the idea of marriage for him. Still same as back then at the beginning of our relationship, he thinks that it is a partnership between 2 capable individual to constantly support self growth while pursuing each other's purpose. At this second I am writing this, I am puzzled by own thought and the question above.

 I answered to my co-worker that for now, I just want to be settled with my current condition and satisfied with it. However, recalling those conversation that I had with my husband made me rediscover what I really want, making me have this little faith again on those so called purpose and dreams. I do aware I don't really have much option for now, but at least there's always that circle within my control right?

 Anyway this post is my rumbling thought without much conclusion. Since it's already past midnight let's just stop the rumble haha. Writing this while listening to Sabrina "I Love Acoustic" album making me feel nostalgic about those late night finishing Art Geometry homework or late nigth studying for mid term and final exam! 😂

 Ciao,
Denisa.

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